My Boyfriend Won’t Have Sex With Me, Help!

 

Ask Wendy: Dating, Sex & Relationship Advice for the Bold

Hey Wendy,

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for seven months now. For the last two months, he’s been withholding sex from me.

It started when we were fooling around and he turned and said, “You’re not getting any.” I couldn’t figure it out. Why would he do sexual things with me and then say that? I wouldn’t mind not having sex if he didn’t feel like it, but that doesn’t seem to be the case since he asks me for blowjobs all the time.

We haven’t had penetrative sex in nearly two months, and I don’t know what to do. Maybe I’m bad in bed. Maybe I’m too much work. Maybe he’s punishing me for leaving for a weekend trip a couple of months ago. Maybe he’s having sex with someone else.

When I try talking to him about it, he gets angry. The only answer I’ve gotten was that it’s the same as when I’m not in the mood for sex. I can’t talk about this with him because he’s sensitive and moody about it.

Can you tell me a way to fix this without talking to him because he doesn’t want to talk about it?

Margie T.

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Hey Margie,

Yep, I totally have a fix for you. And don’t worry, you won’t have to talk to him about this at all.

Next time you are at his house, collect everything out of that drawer he gave you: T-shirts, extra workout clothes, reading material; then do a sweep for any loose items like hair ties, and put them all in your car.

On your way home, make a stop at a local woman-friendly sex shop. Get yourself a vibrator or three (I recommend the Hitachi). Then hit the grocery store for a bucket of your favorite flavor of Ben & Jerry’s. While you’re still in the store parking lot, put your earbuds in and start dialing your favorite single girlfriends because you, my love, are getting ready to transition back to being single.

I’ve given this a lot of thought.

I asked myself, “What if there’s a good reason that he is doing this?”

I couldn’t come up with a goddamned thing.

This behavior is beyond immature, it’s downright cruel.

This is not how we treat the people we love — for any reason.

I’m sorry he’s made you feel unwanted and undesirable.

I’m sorry he has you second-guessing your bedroom skillset.

Girlfriend to girlfriend, I don’t think that is it. And since you’re never going to know, you may as well just make up your explanation. Let’s make it the most empowering one we can dream up so you can go on with your life from here. Ready for it?

He stopped having sex with you because… you were just too amazing. I mean, the more he got to know you, the more he could see how far out of his league you are. He didn’t want you to catch on to his ineptness, so he backed off.

Feel better?

The real takeaway here is conversations about tough things are required in any relationship worth having. So save those blowjobs for a guy with a little more receptivity and a higher level of communication and emotional IQ.

Good luck out there!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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